Journey
by ggaboundhere
Summary: Lucy starts to socialize with her peers and meets a new guy who will set her off on a journey to find her true self. Chapter 5 is up. Please read and review!
1. At the Party

The gray light of dawn seeped in through the blinds. Lucy moaned, rolling over. She looked around her, at first wondering where she was. This wasn't the room she shared with Mary and Ruthie. It was dark and small, the bed she was in unfamiliar. But after a brief moment of unknowing, all the memories of the night before crept back.  
  
  
Lucy had been at home, getting ready to go out with her new friends, Cherry and Kat. She was worried about what her mother would think, if she would disapprove. Annie Camden had always thought family was far more important than friends, and discouraged her children from having any. Who knew if they were heathens, anyway. It was better not to take the risk of her children being exposed to the dangerous temptations of the outer world. But Lucy had tired of just sitting around the house all day, especially with her sister Ruthie always snooping around and trying to order Lucy. Lucy needed to get out. That's why she had jumped at the chance when two girls from her class at college had asked if she wanted to go out with them tonight. They were going to a party on the other side of town. Lucy had found it a great opportunity to make friends. She needed to work on her social life, if she was ever gonna have any fun in life. She hadn't had any real friends since high school. Tonight, she would get to meet a ton of new people and, hopefully, make new friends.  
  
After examining herself in the mirror one more time, Lucy bounded downstairs to the kitchen. She checked her watch. 6:54. Cherry and Kat would be here in a few minutes to pick up Lucy.   
  
Annie was in the kitchen, cleaning. she exclaimed, noticing her daughter's make-up and purse. Where are you going?  
  
Lucy took a deep breath. I'm just going out with some friends from school, she said casually, and smiled brightly.  
  
What friends? Annie sounded suspicious.  
  
Cherry and Kat.  
  
How long have you known them?  
  
I met Cherry when I started class, and she introduced me to Kat a couple of weeks ago.  
  
Do these girls go to church?  
  
Lucy knew they didn't, but lied, I don't knowmaybe they do.  
  
Where are you girls going?  
  
Lucy lied, The pool hall. She knew her mother wouldn't approve of her going to a college party, especially after what had happened when Simon went to a wild party. Come on, Mom, I can go, right?  
  
Annie still looked suspicious after the interrogation, but she said, Ok, but remember, be careful, and be home by midnight.  
  
Lucy grinned and enthused, Thanks, Mom. Don't worry, I won't get into any trouble and I'll be home on time. The doorbell rang. Oh! That's them. Bye, Mom.  
  
Annie's expression softened slightly. Bye, Lucy.  
  
Lucy answered the door and greeted her new friends. They climbed into Cherry's red convertible and were off to the party.  
  
On the way there, Lucy asked Cherry, So, who's hosting the party?  
  
Oh, this guy Ian. He's a really cool guy, real nice. You'll like him. We'll introduce him to you.  
  
Lucy said, eager to meet new people.  
  
When they arrived at the small house, music was thudding. The three girls went up and rang the bell. A guy Lucy didn't know answered. They went in, where the music was deafening and people milled about, drinks in their hands. Wanna drink? Kat yelled at Lucy. Lucy yelled back.  
  
Her family had always taught that alcohol was wrong, but Lucy was more concerned about her social standing than values right now. Besides, a couple drinks never hurt anyone.   
  
This was definitely not the kind of party Lucy's parents would approve of. Loud dance music with dirty, curse-filled lyrics played. There was beer and liquor everywhere, and couples made out in corners or ran upstairs hand-in-hand, giggling. But Lucy didn't care if her parents would disapprove anyway. It was about time she started doing what she wanted and taking control of her own life. She was nineteen years old, after all. And this was a great place to start socializing. After a couple beers and a slice of pizza, Lucy had already met a ton of new people and was dancing with Cherry, Kat, and her new friends. It was one of the best times she'd ever had in her life. Lucy felt completely free of worry and obligation and felt embraced by her peers.  
  
  
  
  



	2. Meeting Him

Eventually, Lucy, Cherry, Kat, and their friends tired of dancing. The three girls sat down on a couch, engaging in conversation. Lucy was enjoying herself when a guy walked over to them.   
  
Hey, Cherry, Kat, glad you guys could come, he said, a warm smile on his face.  
  
Hey, Ian! Cherry said. This party is great.  
  
Yeah, we wouldn't miss it for the world, Kat said playfully.  
  
Lucy sat silently. The guy was cute, with green eyes and thick dark hair. He was looking at her curiously, and she averted her eyes, somewhat timid.  
  
Oh, Ian, this is our friend Lucy, Cherry explained. We met her at Crawford.  
  
he said, grinning and shaking Lucy's hand.  
  
Lucy said shyly, pleased at the warm reception.  
  
Ian sat down next to her and started talking to Cherry, Kat, and Lucy amiably. Lucy thought he was very nice, and funny.  
  
After a while, Kat spotted someone she knew across the room. She and Cherry went over there to say hi, and invited Lucy and Ian, but they said they were just fine staying where they were.  
  
They sat in awkward silence together for a few minutes. Lucy tentatively said, So this is your house?  
  
Ian, glad for something to talk about, smiled and nodded. Yeah. Actually, it's really my older brother's, but it's sort of a sharing thing.  
  
Lucy smiled. Do you go to Crawford?  
  
No. I took a year off before college. I'm going to NYU this fall.  
  
Oh, I was going to go there. My plans were sort of interrupted, though, so now I'm taking a course at Crawford.  
  
Ian said. He wondered how her plans were interrupted, but her facial expression was closed, so instead he asked, What do you want to be?  
  
Well, I want to be a minister. But now I'm just hoping that somehow I can accomplish that.  
  
A female minister? Wow, that's really cool. Why don't you think you could do it? It'd be kick-ass.  
  
I've been having some family trouble. I really don't feel like talking about it. No offense. She looked at him, and he grinned. It's okay.  
  
She smiled. So what do you want to be?  
  
I know it sounds corny, but I want to be a writer. Like a famous author.  
  
Oh, that's cool, Lucy said. You shouldn't doubt yourself. It's good to have dreams. She said it wistfully, because regrets had fueled that statement. She had learned the hard way that you couldn't depend on other people for happiness, but could only rely on yourself and your dreams. She realized that now, and vowed to live by it and never regret it. Starting with her father and older brother, and now through her various boyfriends, she had been bossed around by men enough in her life. It was time for her to let go of that, she now realized, or she'd be wasting away her life thinking about them, like she'd been doing so much lately.  
  
Lucy's despairing thoughts were interrupted by Ian's friendly voice. Hey, do you want a beer?  
  
Lucy looked up, grateful for a diversion. Yeah, that would be great.  
  
I'll go get us some, he said, walking over to the cooler on the other side of the room.  
  
Ian didn't know what it was about this girl, Lucy. She was completely different than the other girls he had dated. She had an innocence and naiveté the others lacked. He could see her eyes widen and throat tighten when she saw a couple get close or someone light up a joint, but she tried to act cool, as if this kind of stuff didn't faze her. Ian found this naiveté laughable, but also somehow appealing. It seemed to indicate an underlying sweetness that too many girls lacked these days. At least the girls he had gone out with.  
  
As Lucy watched Ian cross the room to get their beers, she wondered what a cute, popular guy like him saw in a girl like her. He seemed so self-assured and sophisticated, while she felt like a baby next to him. But he was interested in her, and although he wasn't exactly a Camden kind of guy, he was very kind. He was smart too, a quality Lucy's previous boyfriends were in short supply of.  



	3. Sleeping/Waking

When Ian came back with the beer, he and Lucy continued to talk. They talked about anything and everything, and learned a lot about each other, but there were some things Lucy wasn't ready to reveal to him. She didn't tell Ian that her father was a minister, or that she had been engaged a year ago. She did tell him, however, that she had six siblings, and her oldest brother had recently been married and was soon going to medical school. She learned that Ian's parents had divorced when he was ten, and he had a brother two years older than him, in addition to a stepbrother and stepsister from his stepmother, and a half-brother from his mother and stepfather.   
  
Lucy and Ian were so immersed in their conversation that they scarcely noticed that the hours were passing. Soon, no one was left from the party. When Cherry and Kat said goodbye, and asked if Lucy needed a ride, she noticed how empty the place was, and how late it was. Oh my gosh, it's one! I better get home quick. Here, you guys, wait for me, let me get my bag.  
  
Cherry and Kat agreed, but Ian jumped in and said, Actually, Lucy, I wouldn't mind giving you a ride home. I mean, if it's okay with you.  
  
Lucy looked at his pleasing face, and she said, Okay, that's fine by me. She turned to Cherry and Kat. Well, bye, you guys. I had a lot of fun tonight.  
  
The two girls said bye to Lucy and Ian and left. After they were gone, Lucy and Ian looked at each other. Lucy said. I better get my purse.  
  
Ian said. I'll help you.   
  
Lucy said.   
  
Ian stood up next to Lucy, and before she knew what was happening, she felt his arms around her, heard him whisper her name, then felt his lips against hers. She kissed him back, her own arms on his body.  
  
  
They were up in Ian's room, on his bed, kissing. Lucy had kissed many guys many times like this before, but she had never pulled off their clothes, felt them pulling off her own, like she was doing now with Ian. As she felt his naked body against hers, his lips all over her body, her hands caressing his, she knew in the back of her mind that this was against the values she had been raised with, but she couldn't stop. When he finally entered her, she moaned with pleasure. She knew it would be a wonderful experience, but she had never imagined that it would be this amazing. In that instant, she forgot all about right and wrong, and all her guilt slipped away.   
  
  
And now it was morning, and she was laying in his bed. She smiled as memories from the night before came back to her. She still couldn't quite believe she had done that, lost her virginity, but strangely, she didn't feel guilty about it. It had been so incredible, she didn't care if it was considered a sin. It had seemed like the right time. She was out of high school now, and she and Ian were both adults. Her only regret was that she didn't know him as well as she wanted, and that she didn't really love him yet. But those things were greatly overshadowed by the fact that it had been one of the most fantastic experiences of her life. Besides, Ian was a kind, respectable guy, he wasn't some creepy pervert she had met at the airport. And even if they weren't in love, they both liked each other a lot.  
  
Lucy slowly climbed out of the bed, rubbing her eyes. She glanced at the red numbers on the digital clock. Nine forty-five in the morning. Uh-oh. She had promised her mother she'd be home by midnight last night.  
  
Lucy walked into the kitchen, where Ian was making scrambled eggs. he said, hugging and kissing her.   
  
she said, smiling up at him, still in his arms. They grinned at each other for a minute, then both laughed, kissing each other again.  
  
Do you want some breakfast? Ian asked.  
  
Lucy answered.   
  
They both sat at the table, eating in silent contentment. After a couple minutes, Lucy broke the silence.   
  
He looked up at her, smiled.   
  
that was my first time.  
  
He chewed thoughtfully before replying. Having sex, you mean?  
  
She nodded, almost sheepishly. She was afraid he would laugh at her, or worse, insult her, but all Ian said was, I hope I fulfilled all your expectations.   
  
Lucy blushed and said, Yeah, you definitely did. They both laughed.  
  
Well, I enjoyed it too, he said, grinning. Wasn't my first time, but very enjoyable.  
  
They both laughed again, Lucy relieved that he was so easygoing.  
  
  
After they finished eating, Lucy said, I better get home. My parents are probably really worried about me. She grimaced.  
  
I'll give you a ride home, Ian said.  
  
Lucy smiled at him.  
  
They kissed again, then went out into the driveway to his car. 


	4. At Home

When Ian dropped Lucy off at her house, they softly kissed goodbye, though Lucy suspected that someone was probably watching from the house. I'll see ya later, Ian said.  
  
Lucy said. They had exchanged phone numbers, and Lucy was looking forward to seeing him again.  
  
What she wasn't looking forward to was entering her house. She remembered with twisting stomach the promise she had made to her mother the night before about being home on time. She knew her parents and siblings would be worried about her and curious about where she'd been and what she'd been doing during her absence. Lucy recalled the time her older brother Matt had been out all night, and her parents had been sick with worry and rage, worried that he had gotten himself married, enraged that their adult son would dare stay out all night. Well, Lucy certainly hadn't gotten hitched, but she knew it would be unwise to tell her parents what she had been really doing.  
  
Sure enough, when Lucy opened the door, there stood her mother. Upon seeing her daughter, her face twisted with anger.   
  
Lucy, where were you all night? We've been worried sick! You couldn't have been at the pool hall, Annie said.  
  
Lucy sighed. I was at party.  
  
What? You lied to me! Anne screamed, face contorted with fury.  
  
Her mother's screams made something boil within Lucy, made her want to scream back, but she fought to control herself. Yelling back would only reduce her to her mother's level, and more than anything she did not want to be a clone of Annie. Lucy had let loose her anger other times, with dire results, and it always made her feel guilty and regretful afterward. So instead of a scream, Lucy responded in a calm voice. I know, Mom, and I'm really sorry for it. I was just afraid if you knew the truth you wouldn't let me go.  
  
And why do you think that? Because I need to know what my daughter's doing, where she is, who she's with. I have to know these things, or else how can I protect you, make sure my baby's all right? Annie spoke in a calm voice also, but it was carefully controlled, and her eyes seemed to burn, as if on fire. How can you be protected if you're at some wild party?  
  
Lucy sighed. It wasn't a wild party, Mom. She knew it was only a half-truth, and her judgment was relative, but her mother's ignorance was so aggravating.   
  
Wild party or not, the issue is you betrayed my trust. You lied about where you were going and you didn't come back when you were supposed to.  
  
I know, Mom. And I told you I was sorry for it. I don't know what else you want, except for me to not do it again, which I promise I won't. Lucy was embarrassed by her words. In a normal family this wouldn't even be an issue.  
  
Annie sighed and rubbed her forehead. Okay, okay, I can see that you're sorry, and I guess I forgive you. But what were you doing all night? Please don't tell me you got drunk, Lucy.  
  
Lucy knew she could blame her alleged irresponsibility on her drinking, but although she'd been a bit woozy, she'd been far from drunk. But she knew telling the truth would horrify her mother even more than getting drunk would.   
  
Lucy said lamely, I was just hanging out with friends. I guess we lost track of time, and then I fell asleep. It was stupid of me.  
  
Annie still looked highly suspicious, and Lucy had a feeling her mother suspected that her daughter had been doing what she had really been doing. But all Annie said was, All right. Well, we all make mistakes, but I do not want to see you making this mistake again, or lying to me, or else there will be more severe consequences.  
  
Lucy smiled and breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't been punished. Thanks, Mom. Don't worry, I won't make that mistake again.  
  
She retreated to her room, and lay back on her bed, tired. She still had a sick, nervous feeling in her stomach from the encounter with her mother. Her parents still treated her like she was in high school. Lucy had put up with it, but this was the final straw. She was sick of living here and having to put up with this nonsense, disgusted with her family's sick definiton of good parenting and morals.  
  
Even worse, the confrontation with her mother had made Lucy's previously blissful memory of the night before now guilty and dirty. She rolled over and sighed. Why was she always plagued by all this guilt? She knew it was from her parents and their preaching, and it sickened her. Parents weren't supposed to raise their children like this, to be filled with guilt and dirtiness over things that usually elicited joy and merriment. With that thought, she knew she must get out of here, away from her family.   
  
Well, thank God for Ian, Lucy thought, facing up again. He was unlike all the other men in her life, treating her like a real person with legitimate thoughts and feelings. Maybe her relationship wit him could be a step in the right direction, a step away from her family. Ian could help her overcome her parents' rule and become her own woman, a woman no longer plagued by guilt and adhering to her own set of morals, a woman who would raise her children with love and caring. Lucy reminded herself that she would only allow him to help her, not to guide her, on her journey. She couldn't become her own woman if she still allowed a man to rule her life.  
  
  



	5. A Phone Call

Lucy opened her eyes, groggy. Warm evening light filtered through the windows, and Lucy realized she must have taken a nap. She sat up on her bed and rubbed her eyes.  
  
Her younger sister Ruthie entered the room. Lucy inwardly groaned, thinking that she didn't need this when she first woke up. But she smiled and said, Hi Ruthie.  
  
Ruthie smiled -- devilishly, Lucy thought. Hi Lucy.  
  
What are you so happy about? Lucy asked.  
  
I saw you kissing that guy before you came in this morning. Dad, Robbie, and Simon saw it too. And I heard Mom yelling at you. She laughed. I think I know what you were doing last night. Ruthie was smirking, a gleam in her eye.  
  
What do you think I was doing? Lucy was panicked, but she tried to tell herself not to be. Ruthie was only her little sister, after all, and she couldn't prove anything.  
  
Adult relations! Ruthie whispered, and ran out giggling.   
  
Lucy sighed and flopped back down on her bed. She'd been right, half her family had seen her kissing Ian. And now they all suspected that she was having adult relations' last night. Well, they didn't see anything, Lucy reassured herself. They can't do anything about it. She sighed again. Why did her entire family have to be so immature and nosy?  
  
That night at dinner, nobody said anything about their suspicions, for which Lucy was grateful. Sometimes her parents would give her disapproving looks, but Lucy tried to pretend she didn't see them. But although they hadn't said anything about the adult relations', Lucy felt the guilt gnawing at her again, even more so. Ruthie's accusations had just made her feel even more guilty and dirty about it. Lucy tried to shake it off, but it was hard. After years of believing premarital sex was one of the worst of sins, it was hard to shake the feelings off, even when she kept telling herself that she'd done nothing wrong.  
  
  
The next night after dinner, Lucy went up to her bedroom and stared at the telephone. She'd been thinking of Ian a lot, and wanted to spend more time with him.   
  
She sat down on her bed, the strip of paper with his number in her hands. She wanted to call him, but was nervous. She'd always waited for guys to call her, and wasn't used to being the one who called about a date. Well, she thought, I've been trying to take charge of my life. I might as well start with this, and ask the guy out myself, instead of sitting around waiting for him.  
  
Lucy anxiously dialed his number.  
  
Ian's voice answered.   
  
Hi, Ian, she said. This is Lucy.  
  
Oh, hey, he said. I've been thinking about you.  
  
Yeah, I've been thinking about you too. I had such a great time with you the other night, I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner.  
  
Ian said. That'd be great. I had a really good time with you, too.  
  
That's great, Lucy said. Listen, I need to tell you something.  
  
  
  
Even though we went kind of fast the other night, I'd like to take things slow with you if we decide to pursue a relationship. I've moved pretty quickly in other relationships before, and they all ended pretty badly, so I've realized that I need to slow things down with guys and really get to know them before I make any kind of major commitment. So I hope you're okay with that. After thinking a lot about her past relationships, Lucy had come to these conclusions, and had rehearsed this speech in her head.  
  
Lucy, I'm perfectly okay with that. I totally agree with you, about moving things slow. I've been in some pretty bad relationships myself, so I just want to take things easy for a while. Maybe we didn't start our relationship exactly the right way, They both laughed. but I want to go slower from now on, too.  
  
Lucy sighed and said, Well, I'm really glad you feel the same way. About dinner, do you wanna go out tomorrow night?  
  
Yeah, that'd be great. I know this really cool Mexican place, I'll pick you up at seven. See you then. Bye.  
  
Lucy said, and hung up the phone, a bright smile on her face. Ian was such a nice, cool guy, and Lucy didn't want to mess things up with him the way she had with other guys. She was so glad he actually felt the same way. She never knew that guys could be so understanding. She'd never known any guys who'd been that understanding, at least. They'd always been so controlling and demanding, even her father and older brother. Lucy was so happy she'd found someone who wasn't like that, and she was determined to not mess it up.  
  
  
  



End file.
